170 | Make a Deposit: A Guide to Rebuilding Your Identity and Finding Fulfillment After Having Kids w/ Danielle LaShawn
Listen to the full episode here:
In this inspiring episode of "The Make Room Show," host Jennifer sits down with the incredible Danielle LaShawn McKnight, a mother of four, lifestyle content creator, and author of "Make a Deposit: A Guide to Rebuilding Your Identity and Finding Fulfillment After Having Kids."
Danielle unveils her powerful concept of "deposits" — small, consistent actions that can have a profound impact on our lives. From writing a book to embracing daily fitness routines, these deposits pave the way to realizing our dreams. This episode is a must-listen for anyone seeking to redefine their identity beyond the roles of parenthood and partnership. Danielle encourages us to dream big, set boundaries, and prioritize self-care, all while sharing her own journey of growth and transformation.
Talking Points:
- Discussion about Danielle's first book, "Make a Deposit," and the process of self-publishing it.
- The challenges and rewards of writing a book, including the importance of perseverance.
- The concept of "making a deposit" and the benefits of incorporating this into your life.
- Examples of daily deposits, including fitness routines, setting goals, and time management strategies.
- The significance of setting boundaries with your children and teaching them about boundaries.
- The mom's responsibility loop, where actions have reactions, and the importance of maintaining a positive loop.
- Shifting one's mindset towards a future goal and creating a new narrative.
- The role of failure in achieving success and why it's essential to embrace failure as part of the learning process.
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Danielle LaShawn McKnight is a lifestyle content creator and mother of four. She is passionate about helping women achieve their goals and dreams by making daily deposits in themselves. While raising four healthy, well-adjusted children, Danielle has adapted daily methods to pursue her own dreams and live life on her terms. In her book and on social media, Danielle shares her struggles and strategy for creating an actionable life plan. Danielle’s YouTube channel has over 50 thousand subscribers who follow her lifestyle and home vlogs, budget-friendly grocery hauls, and health & wellness journey. On her channel, she gives insights into her family’s life and the small deposits she makes in herself daily.
Instagram: instagram.com/danielle_lashawn
Website: bydaniellelashawn.com --
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About your host, Jennifer Ford Berry: Jennifer is the host of the Make Room podcast and the founder of the Created Order Neighborhood, an online community of women who want to live a life of order and purpose. She is the author of five books, including the Organize Now! series and her latest, Make Room. Jennifer was previously the regular organizing expert on the TV show Winging It, Buffalo Style. , and has appeared as a guest expert on several television and radio shows, as well as in national magazines and newspapers. Jennifer lives in western New York with her husband and two children. She works both hands-on and virtually with her clients to help them eliminate clutter and live their dreams.
Where to find Jennifer:
Transcript:
Jennifer:
Hello, everybody, and welcome back to the make room show. This one's for all those moms listening out there. I have a very special guest today did Danielle MC Knight. Welcome to the show, Danielle.
Danielle:
Thank you for having me.
Jennifer:
You're so welcome. Danielle is a lifestyle content creator and the mom of four. She's passionate about helping women achieve their goals and dreams by making daily deposits in themselves. I love that. And while raising her four children, she adapted some daily methods to pursue her own dreams and live life on her terms. She's also the author of make a deposit a guide to rebuilding your identity and finding fulfillment after having kids. So this is going to be a good one. When did your book come out, Danielle?
Danielle:
It came out. I want to say in June. Yeah.
Jennifer:
Congratulations. Is it your first book first book?
Danielle:
It is my first book, might be my last because it was so much work.
Jennifer:
So let's start there. Just because I know people listening always are kind of curious about the back end of writing a book, I just came back from a retreat that I was hosting. And that was a big question for me. And just like a lot of people are kind of wanting to write a book, but they're not really sure about the process, or is it worth it? And we had a long discussion about that. So did you traditionally publish or self publish?
Danielle:
Self Publish
Jennifer:
Okay. And so you said you're not sure if you would do it again, tell us a little bit more behind the scenes.
Danielle:
So it took me - this was one of my major goals. So it took me about a year, year and a half of writing every single day, I was doing something book related every single day for like a year and a half. So from writing to editing to there's like several rounds of edits, there's all the marketing conversations all there's like a ton of stuff that goes into writing a book.
Jennifer:
It's so much more work than anybody can imagine. And, you know, one of the questions I was asked, and I want to point this out, is that, should I stop? Should I self publish? Or should I publish? Traditionally, I have to tell you, either way, is a lot of work.
Danielle:
Yeah, either way, it's a lot of work. And it's a lot harder to publish traditionally, because you'd have to have an editor who's interested in publishing your book. And you know, you have to go through that whole process of so or not an editor, but a publishing company, who's interested in publishing your book, self publishing, you can you can decide to do it yourself, you can hire somebody to help you do all of the things that have to be done pre launch, and then you can go ahead and launch it yourself. So I would I would definitely suggest self publishing if you haven't written a book before. But yeah, it's a ton of work is a ton of work.
Jennifer:
It's crazy. It's literally like a part time job just keeping up with my books and promoting them. And I feel like most authors would say, they agree with that.
Danielle:
Yeah. Yeah, definitely. I would say writing it, it might be a full time job.
Jennifer:
Yeah. Well, let's go ahead and just tell the tell the listeners a little bit about your book, and why did you write it even though you knew it was going to be a lot of work, there must have been a deeper reason why.
Danielle:
So I didn't know how much work it would be. And I might not have done it. Had I known but also I was my first time. So I was very inexperienced with the process. And this time, I think if I did it again, it would be more streamlined. So I will be able to do it quicker and easier. But the reason I wrote it is because I just knew that there were other moms who felt like me who felt like, for me personally, I felt like being a mom and a wife was not enough. I felt like I was stuff stifling myself and suffocating my creativity. And I wasn't really living up to my full potential. And I wanted to be more and do more and become something else besides just a wife and a mother. So that's when I started my process. And then I started writing the book once I realized, okay, so this is how this works. Like you have to go through these steps to get to where you want to go. Um, but yeah, for me, it was just realizing one day that I hated my life. And I was not, I was more afraid to stay the same than I was to change. So that's good. Yeah, that's where kind of like that major shift happened for me. And what caused this whole mudslide of events that happened after that?
Jennifer:
Yes. And I think to the one of the one of the positives of writing a book is really just gives you a platform. It's like some credentials, right? That people might take us more seriously, if we do that. And so you talk a lot about just, there's a few different things I want to ask you but one of the thing is just outside of that mom title How do we relearn, redefine and lean into the person that we want to be? Because it's perfectly okay to say I don't want to just be a wife and a mom. I feel like that's step number one, everybody needs to just accept permission for that right now. Because you don't have to feel guilty if you want more.
Danielle:
Yeah, I think there's a lot of guilt associated with that, especially if you're not struggling, because I wasn't struggling. So it was like, if I have everything that I need, and my husband is fine, my kids are fine, we have food on the table, the bills are paid, and why am I not happy, because a lot of people would love to be in my position to I was a stay at home mom, so to not have to work and to be able to just, you know, be be because people feel like that's the case. But really, it's it's a full time job being home. So for me, and the reason why my book is called “Make a Deposit”, it was a series of events. So what a deposit is, by my definition, is a small simple activity that when done consistently, can drastically alter the course of your life. So essentially, it's a seized opportunity for improvement. So you are looking for these opportunities every day, these small opportunities for small activities that you can do consistently. Because when you don't do it consistently, it's not impactful enough to make a difference, if you just did it once or twice, but when you do it over and over and over again, and you incorporate it into your routine, it can truly, drastically change your life for the better and get your goals
Jennifer:
I talk a lot about habits. And I talk about little baby steps in order to make a change. But I love that you're using the word deposit. Because think about it, if you were making a deposit into your checking account, even if it was a very small amount added up over days, weeks years, it can be very significant and life changing. So can you give us some examples, when you decided to start living this way, what were some of the deposits that you did.
Danielle:
So some of my deposits were fitness routine. So walking 10,000 steps a day, making sure that I was drinking a certain amount of water every day, and I call them I call them deposits, but I also call them once at once you set goals, I call them tactics. So when you create a goal, you come up with tactics to go along with that goal. So if your goal was to lose weight, your tactics could be like I said, walking 10,000 steps a day drinking 64 ounces of water a day work doing strength training three days a week, and maybe eating in a calorie deficit that you could decide, you know what that calorie deficit would be. And writing a book, your deposits or your tactics could be to spend an hour a day writing or spend however much time researching or spend however much time editing, like you just pick out smaller tasks that you can do on a consistent basis that are going to help you to reach your goals.
Jennifer:
Yeah, so good. And so I find that a lot of women when they try this approach, they can't. It's hard for them to have a small period of time, for example, to say you're going to write your book for one hour, did you set a timer?
Danielle:
I did. I didn't talk about that in the book, I would use my phone and just say, hey, Google set an hour, a one hour timer and it would start at noon, I would just get into it and start writing and whenever it was over, I would put it down. Or if I had extra time, I would continue to go through the process. But yeah, I would. I was very I was very intentional about how I spent my time when I was writing this book. And it really made a difference in how fast and how easily I was able to accomplish it. Easily. I use it quite easily.
Jennifer:
Yeah. With a grain of salt. It's funny, because when if you know I, I think there are so many women out there that want to write a book. And they tell me all the time. I don't have time. And I love saying that I don't have time is a complete and utter lie. Yeah, it's it's a blatant lie. It's it's actually an excuse. Because if you a year before that weren't writing a book, you might have thought, how am I going to fit this in, but you were intentional. And you made up a plan. You said okay, I'm going to write for one hour a day. And once you started that process, you realize that maybe that one hour was all you could do that day, and that is okay. I think a lot of times women feel like they have to do more than that small increment of time. And it's hard when that timer goes off to just stop, right? But if you keep dragging it on for four hours, the next day, when you show up for your one hour, you're going to dread it, because now you're going to think it's going to turn into four hours. So I feel like there's a lot of there's a component of trust within ourselves that we have to find.
Danielle:
Yeah, and I think personally, for me, just starting it at it. I think if you're doing something you like first of all, it makes a huge difference. So for me writing is something that I enjoy. So, one be intentional about when you're setting your time because for Someone like me, I have four kids, and I homeschool. So I had to be up early in the morning, making sure that I had that time to myself every single day. And that's a habit I continue to this day, I'm up at like six o'clock in the morning, seven o'clock every single day, and my kids are not up that early. So I always have an hour or two in the morning to myself. So that's one and then two, if it's something you enjoy, you're going to, you won't dread it as much. So for me, when I would start writing, I would usually go beyond that one hour, because I would just be in the flow. So if you can find something that you enjoy doing, you'll be in the flow a lot more often. And you will likely spend more time. But again, like you said, if you don't if you can only devote that one hour, that's okay, too. So it just kind of depends on what your goal is, and what is important to you. And that's one of the major premises of the book is to kind of is to define what your deposits are for you. Because your deposits may be different than mine, what's the deposit for you maybe a withdrawal from me. So you have to really think about what you want and define it on your own terms. And make sure it fits with what your goals are and what you it aligns with where you want to go.
Jennifer:
I think one of the most powerful aspects of this deposit lifestyle is the fact that you can take any goal, any dream, break it down into these smaller deposits. And then when you start doing it, even if it seems like you're climbing a mountain, at first, you will feel proud. It's you know, like, if you decide I'm going to climb this mountain, and it's going to take months to train, you will be proud of yourself just for going for short walks to begin with, because you're building up endurance to get to the top of the mountain. And that's so much better than just telling yourself, there's no way I can climb the mountain, like showing up every day is the powerful part.
Danielle:
Yeah, and it's just, once you break it down into small incremental things, it makes it so much easier, because it just makes it takes away the mountain and it gives you molehills instead.
Jennifer:
I love that and start with a molehill
Danielle: So, if you said I want to lose 100 pounds, that is huge. And that feels unattainable. It feels like you can't really do it. But if you say, you know, I'm just going to do these deposits, or these tactics, and these are small things that have nothing to do with the scale, per se, you know, like the things I named earlier, then you're doing the right things that are gonna get you there, but you're not necessarily saying, Okay, I have to lose five pounds. Because if you don't lose that five pounds by when you say you're gonna lose it, you're gonna be discouraged. And you're gonna feel like a failure. So you have to make your deposits things that are not, that are attainable, and that you can do consistently, and they could they can be measurable. But they also don't have to be that measurable to where, you know, if you don't reach it by a certain date, or certain dates, dates, you won't feel like, okay, everything was for nothing. And, you know, now I feel like I did not do what I was supposed to do, or I didn't reach my goal. Right. So, yeah,
Jennifer:
That's awesome. So the I think this ties in together just being lost in motherhood, like how do we choose, like, make daily choices every day to create a life centered around who we are not who we were now who, who we want to be in, like 20 years, but like right now, how do we integrate that into our days as moms and where our kids are right now.
Danielle:
So I think my approach is a little bit different, because I believe in that mindset shift. So when you are going through this process you are, I believe you are going to want to focus on beginning to shift your mindset from what you think you can have, and what's realistic to you, to what you want to create for yourself. So rather than thinking of things from where you are right now, thinking about what you do want in the future, if it can be as recent, you know, as soon as maybe a year or two from now, what do you want to see for yourself and kind of thinking from that perspective, and not focusing on what you have right now?
Jennifer:
Yeah, I think that's great. And I think, you know, a lot of times we can remember that we can be true to ourselves and still be a great mom. Because we want our kids to be true to themselves someday. And we're setting that as an example for them today.
Danielle:
Yeah, and I think when you are when you are intentional about becoming a better version of yourself, it shows your kids that, first of all, you're a better mom, because you're happier and you're more more fulfilled by yourself or in yourself and with yourself. But you're also showing them that it's okay to choose themselves. Even when they become moms and when they become dads. It's okay to choose yourself. You have to point to your own cup first. Yeah, so I think it's although you may have less time to dedicate to them and you may not be able to see every single day But I know what my kids are like, Mom, look at this Mom, look at that. And sometimes I'm like, like, I need a minute. So yes, getting like 30 minutes, and then I'll come back and look at everything, just make a list. And when I come back, we can go down the list, but I just need 30 minutes to myself to focus on me.
Jennifer:
And that's okay. I think that's an excellent example. And you're giving like the verbal words so that they can use them some time in their life, they might be at school some day and working on a project. And they're really in this creative zone. And a friend is like, look at me, look at me, look at me, and now you're empowering your child to say, I need a few minutes, I'll look at it in 30, you know, 30 minutes from now, I love that.
Danielle:
Yeah, it's so important to set boundaries with your kids with every in every relationship. But I think we exclude our kids from that. When we think about setting boundaries, we don't think about setting boundaries with our kids. But I think it's important to set boundaries, not only with your husband, or your wife or your partner or your friends, or your co workers, but also with your kids. Yeah, not so true. You have to everyone is gonna sit down, everyone else in their life is gonna set boundaries with them. So it shows them how to honor people's boundaries. But it also shows them that it's important to have their own boundaries, right? And to be able to say, Hey, Mom, I need a few minutes to myself to like, I'm gonna go some quiet time. So yeah, super important. boundaries aren't necessary in every relationship.
Jennifer:
I love that. So my next question is, you talk about how to put positivity out. So it comes back to you in spades. And you call that the mom's responsibility loop. Tell us a little bit about that.
Danielle:
So the responsibility loop is, essentially every action has a reaction. And we've all heard that before. So everything you do opens a loop is either a positive loop or a negative loop and it doesn't close, that loop does not close until something comes back to you either positive or negative. So if you're opening positive loops, positive is coming back to you. And that's when the loop closes. If you're opening negative loops, negative is coming back to you. And that's when the loop closes. So your goal is to open more positive loops than negative loops, so that you can always have positive coming back to you in your loop for closing.
Jennifer:
I love that so much, Danielle. I love I think what I'm always looking on the show for people to say things that are haven't been said before or are new. The moment when I'm listening in, I'm like, Wow, that's good. And that was one of those moments. And I'll tell you why is because everybody knows we should be more positive every net bunny knows we get what we put out all that. But the fact that you said it's a loop visually created a a very powerful picture in my mind where I could see you sent it out into the world. And you said when it comes back, that is the end of the loop when it comes back. So it could come back today it could come back in five years. Right? Can you give us an example of a really powerful loop that you've experienced?
Danielle:
So I think it's kind of hard to track it. And I That's why I just feel like you have to always be putting out positivity. But I'm because I understand this. I'm always when something bad happens. I'm like, Oh, was that a loop closing? Was that a negative? But yeah, I just think it's hard. It's not something that you can really quantify because you don't know how how, or when things are going to come back to you. So you just have to be consistently doing the right things and making the right moves. And it doesn't mean you have to be perfect. But it does mean that you should be intentional about how you are talking to people, how you're treating people, kids included, how you are that you're apologizing when you do or say something wrong, that you're trying that when you do create a negative loop and you know you did you do your best to kind of to try and counteract it as soon as possible. So that would never be like an apology or something to try and make it right when you know you did something wrong or you offended someone or you made someone feel bad.
Jennifer:
Yeah, I love that. I also I think when you said that it reminds me of like if you're dealing with somebody that's difficult in your life, and maybe you just show up a little bit more vulnerable yourself or a little bit more open yourself then maybe might not be right away. But if you continue to show up that way, that person might come back around to you a little bit more open, a little bit more vulnerable, a little bit more easy to access and grow a relationship because you're going first so you're starting that loop. And I can picture sometimes doing that and then all of a sudden, out of the blue this person kind of gives you more than you used to get and you're like, Huh, I wonder if is if that's because I went first and that could be the close the closing of that loop? Yeah, even in my mind.
Danielle:
Yeah. And even when you are dealing with someone and it's a one off, if someone is you know you're at the grocery store and the person who's ringing you up is is rude to you, maybe don't give them back the same thing they're giving you. And you don't know how that will impact the rest of their day, if you're nice to them, and how that will impact future customers who are coming in and dealing with them. Maybe it'll change their attitude. Yeah. So you just never know how it's not. There's no way to really see the benefits and the effects of what you do. But you can feel good about what you do, knowing that there is an effect for everything that you cause.
Jennifer:
Yes, I love that. So and the last question I really want to get into with you is the Bank of you making the daily deposits that can lead to your dream life, and, by default, help your family thrive. Yes. So tell us a little bit about that.
Danielle:
Yeah, so we talked about deposits. And what they are, and I'll read that definition, again, just so everyone is, we're clear, because I feel like it's kind of hard to wrap your mind around it maybe the first time you hear it. Simple activity that when done consistently can drastically alter the course of your life, it is essentially a seized opportunity for improvement. So if we're taking advantage of our deposits, then we're we're building in our bank, and we're creating more and more opportunities, and we're able to more easily spot those opportunities. Because now we're, we're looking at it from a different frame of mind. So once once you start making deposits, you'll see more opportunities to make more deposits. Because you're you're you've now trained your mind to recognize these opportunities and deposits. And another thing that I want to kind of focus on is that mindset, we talked a little bit about that mindset shift and kind of their framing around how we think about things. Because when you're thinking about problems, you're focusing on problems, and you're magnifying problems. But when you're thinking about things from your dream reality, and when you're creating a new narrative, then you are focusing on what you would like to see happen, and you're magnifying solutions and positive scenarios. So that's why you're able to now identify when you have more deposits coming your way or when you're you're able to identify those deposits more easily. Because now you're focusing on more positive scenarios, and you're giving yourself a more positive frame of reference. And it just changes the way you view life. So once you start to recognize those opportunities, when you start to take advantage of those opportunities, now you're moving in the right direction, and it doesn't feel forced. It doesn't feel like you know, you did this huge thing, because everything is every deposit is so small and so insignificant when you look at it as one individual activity.
Jennifer:
Yeah. And it's what do you think about making a big change in your life? Sometimes that can be very overwhelming, kind of, like we said about climbing the mountain. But when you like, can you use the example Danielle about weight loss? At first, it seems like there's so much work to be done and so much weight to be lost. But then when you broke it down into I'm gonna do 10,000 steps a day. It's easier said than done. It's easier than we made it up in our minds. And so I think that's why a lot of people procrastinate so much is because they're making it seem harder than it really is. And the second reason is, they're not watering it down enough, you really need to take any big goal and water it way down to what can I do today? And it doesn't it you can't disregard those little tiny deposits. You can't just be like, well, they're not big enough. Because imagine in my checking account, if I if you were depositing $10 into my checking account every day, if I was just like, well, Danielle, it's really not enough money. I really need 20. And you're like, Girl, I'm giving you 10 Be grateful for that right? Over the course of many months and years. I can't pocket $10 a day, that can really make a big difference in my life. Yeah. But that's what we do to ourselves will say, well, it's not enough. I'm not doing enough. I should be doing more today. But the truth is, all women have a lot to do every day. It seems sometimes overwhelming when you add another thing to your list.
Danielle:
Yeah, and I agree 100% You have to water it down. And you have to make it small. And it's okay if you're only doing one or two deposits today. Because if those if you weren't doing those one or two deposits in the beginning, you're making progress. It's never about perfection. It's always about progress. So you can make a couple of deposits a day. And just be consistent with those one or two deposits you can always add on. And yes, once you've mastered your first deposits, then you can add a third, you know, your first you can add a second. When you've mastered your second, you can add a third, when you've mastered your third you can add a fourth and before you know it, it's just a part of your routine. It's part of your daily, you know how you just run your life. So it becomes a lot easier over time, but you just have to start. You have to start. Yeah, if you don't start you never know where you're going to end up. If you Yeah, yeah,
Jennifer:
that's so true. And it's all part of that habit stacking those deposits to me habit stacking, where you start out and you do 10 Push Ups after you brush your teeth in the morning. And next thing, you know, you're doing a 20 minute, you know, training on YouTube, and then you know, maybe a year from now you're going to the gym for an hour, who knows where it can take you. But how have you? How have the people around you change by watching you change yourself?
Danielle:
Well, that's a good question. I think the people I don't know, I don't feel like we have those conversations that often. So it's hard to really know how I'm, I know, my husband is like, I'm so proud of you. And I think maybe he is more open to doing more because of it. And I think my kids are also kind of striving for more with gymnastics, and with martial arts and with swimming. So I think it makes an impact, and people just have to go at their own pace. So I don't think that you should wait to change until other people around you are also ready to change. I do think that you should just focus on changing for the better. And I would say that more than it affecting how they act, it affects it affected how they saw me what they believed that I was that I was capable of. And in turn, especially with your children is going to affect what they think that they are capable of. Because if they can see that you went from here to here, they see it's possible. So just knowing it's possible makes a huge difference what people believe they can do. So true.
Jennifer:
I think that's, that's one of the things I've, I've noticed from my kids being raised now and in college, is now that they're on their own, they believe that anything's possible, because they saw me do it. And you can share the highs and lows with your kids, you can share the uphill battle because it's not easy. But I feel like that's probably one of the one of the biggest benefits of being a mom at this stage in life is just watching them be courageous. And, you know, it's it's fun. It's like, My daughter just started her own little business. And it's because she knew she could and who cares if it doesn't work? It doesn't work. I mean, what I have to lose you, you know, I mean, you're not going to like you said, you're not going to know until you try.
Danielle:
You cannot succeed without failure, right? Those failures, because they're lessons that you need that lesson to reach the next level, then you won't be prepared to reach the next level. So you have to fail. It's just a part of the process. There is no success without failure. So just get comfortable with failing. It has to happen for you to get to anywhere in life.
Jennifer:
Yes. Love that. That's how you learn. Right? And that's how you grow. So tell everybody if they want to work with you read your book, go farther. They're like, Yes, this is this is the mom for me. I need to kind of, you know, make a move and I need to start with small deposits. How can they find more about you?
Danielle:
So they can find me on YouTube at Danielle LaShawn they can find me on Tik Tok at DanielleLaShawn__. And my book is available on Barnes and Noble. It's also available on Amazon, which is probably the easiest place to get it. And there are a couple other retailers but those are the two major ones. Yeah, at most, I mean, on my website bydaniellashawn.com.
Jennifer:
Yes. And your website's super cute. I love the layout. It's really nice. Well, thank you so much for being on the make room show today, Danielle, I enjoyed it.
Danielle:
Thank you for having me. And I wish you all the luck in favor and blessing in the world and your new book. Congratulations because I know it's a feat to write a first book publish it. So I wish you the best all the success for that. Thank you so much. You're welcome. Until next time, everybody. Make room for what's most important to you. Bye
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